Tell her she can't have a vagina
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
