pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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