You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
