i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize