The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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