No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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