my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
