hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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