he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think my moral compass just broke
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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