I hate your face
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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