After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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