Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
