her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
