i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
