a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
