Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
