dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
