I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
