I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
