I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
