But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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