No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
