i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
