I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
