i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
