It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
