last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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