His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
