Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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