Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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