Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
