Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
