I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
