Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___

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(828): View more from North Carolina

proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons

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(207): View more from Maine

She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂

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