I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
