Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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