During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
