Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
