is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
