Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He felt like a one man threesome
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
