Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
