did you get engaged???
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
