And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
