i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
