why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
