so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
