Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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