Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
