My sheets look like a crime scene.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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