If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
