Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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