Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He better not be in your backpack
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
