Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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