ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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