When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize