You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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