So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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