I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
