Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
