Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
