I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
