I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
