There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
