gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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