My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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