So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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