I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
