i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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