I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
