I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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