the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
