How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
