I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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